sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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