whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize