Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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