good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
