you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
is that a dick in a sweater?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
