did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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