so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
