she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
