The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
