My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
