Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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