Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
