The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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