She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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