U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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