i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
