Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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