the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
