What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
