so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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