Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
