I want to walk on stilts...naked
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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