Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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