Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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