Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
