so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
