Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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