i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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