Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize