why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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