Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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