He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
