did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
