when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
