omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
