I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
