the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
