I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We left the knife in your bed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
