$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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