His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
