So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize