I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
