You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
