why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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