Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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