I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
