I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
