no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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