I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
