yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize