____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize