I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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