just tell him i said nine months
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
