K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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