Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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