Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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