I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize