:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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