so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
