Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize