I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
