So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
