I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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