U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
