I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
