Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
