i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
