Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
is wine microwaveable?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize