You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
