can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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