whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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