Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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